The End of an Era

This is a special 2 part blog post. As some of you may know I will be turning 30 this week. I've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks trying to prepare myself and trying to brainstorm a portrait to encompass this milestone.

Last Friday I was lying in bed reflecting on this past period of my life when it hit; the feelings of failure, the harsh reality of another decade gone by. The sheer panic of the fact that I am nowhere near where I thought I’d be. I compared myself to other people my age and stressed because my life and accomplishments weren't the same. I’m not married, I don’t own my own home, I don’t have a career therefore I felt I must be a failure. But were these really the goals I had set for myself 10 years ago?

To answer that question I decided to go back and revisit the past decade. I spent an evening reading every journal entry I had written since I graduated high school. To my extreme surprise, not once had I mentioned needing to attain any of those goals by the time I turned 30. It was also while reading my journals that the idea for this special blog post entered my mind. I had noticed that there were certain words and phrases in my entries that I used constantly. 

This week’s post is dedicated to revisiting my 20s. Though it’s hard to age and move on there is a part of me that is glad to let this past decade go. My 20s were full of struggle, conflict, doubt, frustration, not to mention 7 very intense years dedicated to working and going to school. I’m 

allowing you a peak at the phrases from my journal that have seemed to define this decade of my life.

Next week I will examine 30 from the other side of it. I will show myself just how far I've come and examine where I hope to go. For now I will live these last few moments of my 20s and enjoy them while I can. And I will do my very best to look forward to and embrace the next decade of my life instead of re-treating from it with my tail between my legs.

So a toast to my 20’s and all the amazing people I've met (because there were plenty!) and the wonderful experiences I've had along the way! 

In case you're having trouble reading the photo here's what it says:

I’m trapped in an endless circle. I’m stuck, unable to control my own life and destiny. Time passes yet nothing seems to change. Am I destined to a life of mediocrity and customer service? I fantasize about something more, something different. I wish I had the courage to break free. My self-doubt is too powerful a force that can not be reconciled. I’m waiting for inspiration. Is it wrong that I’m looking for something more meaningful? So many expectations to live up to. Who came up with them anyway? Who said you have to live your life this way and if you don’t you’ll be labeled a failure or an outcast? What is my dream? The only thing that I have figured out is that I have absolutely NOTHING figured out!