I feel like this portrait, while totally awesome, is a false
representation of my current state of mind. This past week my assignment was to
learn to let things go. I can not say that I succeeded.
The past two months especially have been filled with a plethora
of pain, rejection, betrayal, anger, disappointment and heart ache. Every day I
carry around these negative emotions. In theory, letting them go seems so
simple. Why would anyone want to be weighed down by all those destructive
thoughts and feelings? How can I ever move forward if I allow myself to remain
tethered to the past by such negativity? Yet lately I seem to struggle to “let
it go.” Perhaps I find some kind of security in it all. It would mean to let go
of the things that I planned and dreamed for. To let go of the hurt that
remains would truly signify the end of it all.
Part of the reason why I understand the importance of
letting go is because there are moments where I have felt the amazing
freedom in doing so. When I get lost in a creative project or when I’m playing
a piece of music, the world drops away. In those moments I feel truly liberated
and this portrait demonstrates the significance of that.
Letting it go is a lesson that will take me some time to
learn but it’s one that I will continue to work at.
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